This so-called essay is based on a conversation with Sola Christodoulou. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Before I met my partner, Alan Reynolds, in 2009, I was the kind of person who would freak out about things, especially In the corporate world Where I once worked.
Your heart races as you rant and rave. I was an overthinkerAnd it was not good for my health.
But, in the 15 years we’ve been together, I’ve become much calmer and grounded. I credit Alan’s influence for that. It’s a window cleaner And a gardener in our home city of London. He literally makes a living by getting his hands dirty.
Meanwhile, my job as a book editor, writer, and teacher is academically focused. I spend my day in front of a laptop, so there’s no real comparison between what Alan does and what I do.
This is the reason why our relationship is so simple. We have never been rivals; We complement each other. I have learned a lot by being with a practical person who thinks rationally.
Alan asked me 3 times before I agreed to a date
Nothing fazes him. Some people love the flames but it is constantly dampening them. If something doesn’t go to plan, he’ll just say, “Well, it happened. So what do we do to fix it?”
We knew each other for a long time before becoming romantically involved. Alan cleans my windows and we chat on the doorstep when he collects his money.
He was friendly and helpful. He noticed when one of my kids’ bikes needed a tire pumping. “Do you want me to do it while I’m here?” He will say.
Years later, after both of our marriages broke up, we started chatting more. He asked me on a date. I was very busy Training to be a teacher Then, I said “No.”
But that could not stop him. After he asked for the third time before Christmas in 2009, we went out for dinner. I thought, “Why not?” Because I believed in him.
He put me in the car, which felt a little strange. I only ever saw him in a van. The meal was a success; We never stopped talking. But I remember thinking, “This is weird. I’m on a date with my window cleaner.”
When I told my family and friends about it, I kept tagging it as my window cleaner. “He’s still a person,” someone said. This made me recognize some bias in myself, so I looked at things from another perspective.
On paper, it probably didn’t seem like a good match. i was Educated up to master’s levelWhen Alan left school at the age of 17. He worked in a bakery and factory for several years before starting a window-cleaning business.
Meanwhile, I moved into corporate fashion Teaching, writing and book editing.
But, as our relationship progressed, we balanced each other out. Allen’s work is based on the weather. He can’t go out with his ladder when it’s raining hard, too windy, or so cold that the windows freeze.
Instead of getting wound up, he’ll move things around and call the customer to check if something needs to be done within that day. Many of them are old, and have developed patience. If I get mad about a computer problem or meetings not running on time, he’ll say, “Oh, for God’s sake, there’s more to life than this.” He sees another side of humanity.
There is no competition in what we do for a living
It is very light, It relieves my stress. I am very calm. I think it taught me grace.
That he doesn’t have many qualifications doesn’t mean he can’t have a good conversation with her. Alan, a year older than me at 58, knows a lot about music, soccer and game fishing. I attend Networking eventsAnd that will come as a plus one. At first, he was nervous, but now he absolutely loves her. People like to meet him because he does something different than the average person in the room.
We do not compete in any way. I have friends with partners in the same industry. When someone says, “How’s work?” It’s almost like they’re trying to get over each other. They will talk about closing this deal or that deal, and that creates animosity. Alan and I don’t have that because our work is unrelated.
We value ourselves and respect each other – not based on what we do, but based on who we are.
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