The so-called essay is based on conversations with Randall Galbraith, 33, who moved to the suburbs with his partner from Chicago before moving to Los Angeles. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
My partner, Braden, and I got our first apartment together in July 2020: a one-bedroom in uptown Chicago.
We were both working from home – me in social work and she in customer service – during the first year of COVID and decided that We needed more space. We looked for places in town but couldn’t really find them Find anything within our $1,500 budget Which suits our needs.
In 2021, my partner’s employer made an announcement Office-to-office policy. We realized that his commute would be about 90 minutes if we stayed in the city, so between that and wanting more space, we decided to move closer to his job in the suburbs.
Looking back, I wish we had spent more time exploring the city instead Escape to the suburbs.
After moving to the suburbs our lifestyle changed
In October 2021, we moved into a two-bedroom apartment in Arlington Heights, a suburb about 25 miles northwest of Chicago. Our rent there was $1,500 and we had more space, free parking and in-unit laundry.
In the city, we had a car Mostly walking or taking public transport. We lived about four blocks from Lake Michigan, and during the pandemic, we walked to the beach every day after work.
But in the suburbs, we had to drive everywhere. I tried to incorporate walking into my daily routine, but the suburbs are not made for it. We needed to drive to go to the grocery store or take our dog to the park.
When we lived in the city, we saw friends almost every weekend and could very spontaneously decide to hang out. In the suburbs, we had to make a concerted effort to socialize, and it required a lot of planning.
We expect that driving back to the city every weekend will be a breeze, traffic means the trip will take at least an hour each way and we will need to find parking.
In town, there was a gay bar called The Sopho Tap that became our hangout on Friday or Saturday nights. It caters to people like me – older gay men and gay men of color. In the first suburb we lived in, there weren’t really any bars within walking distance of us, and driving to bars felt counterintuitive since I used to go to bars to drink. When we moved to another nearby suburb two years later, we lived within walking distance of a bar, but as a black gay man, I didn’t feel comfortable staying in that bar for long.
I realized how miserable I was in the suburbs
I first noticed something was wrong when I stopped fitting into my clothes even though my diet hadn’t changed at all. My depression worsened, and I realized how much my health and well-being was tied to the city lifestyle.
This Car culture The suburbs really put me on edge; It got to the point where I stopped going out and doing things. The weather and climate also had a huge impact on how I felt.
Our last winter in Chicago, I couldn’t get out of bed because of my depression. It was a struggle to eat, go to work or perform any kind of routine. If I woke up and saw that it was sunny, those were always the easiest days. On cloudy, rainy, snowy days, my apathy got the best of me.
I realized that I no longer wanted to live in a place where the weather had such an effect on my mood. I’ll always have depression and it’s something I’ll have to manage, but I wanted to be somewhere that made it more manageable.
We’ve probably been talking about it for years Moving to LAAnd every time we visited, Braden could see that I was happier there. On one of our trips, he told me he could see himself living there. I felt the same way.
Our lease was expiring in May of this year, and we decided that if we didn’t make the move then, we never would.
I find more joy in living in LA
In late May, we packed our belongings and our dog into a U-Haul and drove down to Los Angeles. Our place is on the small side — it’s about 700 square feet and we paid $2,540 for it — but the amenities and environment make it worth it.
The culture here is very laid back and not as fast paced as Chicago. Instead of the typical 9-to-5 lifestyle, people here have a different relationship with work. We’re both fascinated by the entertainment industry and hope to one day work in it as writers, so it’s been great to be by his side.
West Hollywood is also kind of a hotbed of queer culture, so we’ve appreciated being able to find providers like doctors, therapists, and dentists in our community.
LA has a car culture and isn’t very walkable, but it has a Public transport system And some neighborhoods are walkable. We live about a 20-minute walk from my workplace, and we walk to the grocery store twice a week.
There are also lots of places to walk — places you can drive and then walk around, such as parks, reservoirs and outdoor malls. We are about 20 minutes from the beach, so we often drive there and walk along the boardwalk.
I still experience depression, but being able to go outside helps a lot. Even though we’ve only been here since June, I’ve noticed that my depressive episodes don’t last as long and aren’t as severe as they used to be.
It is much easier for me to enjoy life here. Just waking up and knowing the sun is out helps my mood a lot. Even Chicago’s best days in summer don’t really compare to LA’s worst days.
Maybe we’ll go back to Chicago, but never to the suburbs
We plan to stay in LA for the foreseeable future. I can see us moving back to Chicago someday to be near our mothers, who both live in the Midwest, as they grow up. Ideally, we would go back and Buy our own houseBut that will probably be about 10 years down the line.
But I will never go back to the suburbs.
If you’ve been somewhere new and hated it – or loved it – and want to share your story, email Jane Zhang here [email protected].
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